Tuesday

Fitting




We planted a magnolia tree in remembrance of Emily on her due date in 2006. I chose a magnolia tree because their flowers are just so incredibly beautiful! Bob and I were discussing the flowering trees the other day, and he mentioned how other flowering trees hold up so much better in colder weather, and flower longer. I thought about that....but you know....it's so fitting....Emily's tree blossomed just a little over a week ago. Yesterday, the wind blew so strong most of the petals are now gone. It always loses its petals so quickly. But it's sort of a metaphor for Emily's life. Those flowers blossom and for a moment we get to enjoy their beauty...and in a flash they are gone. And so comes our Emily....she was with us such a brief moment, but in that moment held all the beauty we could ever imagine. I don't think there could be a more fitting tree to remember her :)

Facebook & Things...

Facebook has robbed me of my blogging. I love blogging and writing out my thoughts because many times I feel about a million times better when I do. Now....I just go on FB and make a comment here or there....I don't get to articulate anything! I need to stay away from it and do more of this!

I miss my husband. I miss my kids being happy and healthy. This winter has worn on all of us. We are 4 people 200% ready for spring! We have no idea what this spring will hold for us....lots of changes I know. The Lord has provided us peace though that whatever happens...it's going to work out.

Whatever decisions we have to make....I want to make sure that we are doing everything that the Lord wants us to do.....I was reading last night in Luke about getting so involved in living in this world....that you miss your heavenly focus. I am fearful of doing that as our days are filled with work, kids, chores, etc. I don't want to forget through it all that I am here for one purpose and that is for God.

Bob's snoozing on the couch...so I'd better get off here....

P.S. I can't stand Brutus (our neighbor's dumb dog with a loud mouth that stands outside half the night and barks). OY!

Thursday

Confession #81

Swearing....

So I don't swear...and I really never have (save trying to be "bad" in high school - very short-lived). It always felt awkward and unnatural.

Well, I began reading Stephen King books when I was about 12 or 13 years old....and if you've never read them...they have ALOT of swearing in them!

Well, as I read them I would feel bad because to me reading the words was just as bad as saying the words....so I developed an internal conversion chart....where each word had a "substitute" word that I would use in its place (ex: the "S" word would automatically be converted to "shoot" and so on and so forth). Well, apparently I was very good at it...because I STILL do it to this day. I told Bob I can be reading a Christian book that mentions Hell and my mind still reads "heck" first...(Of course in the Stephen King books it wasn't used as the Christian books use it).

Same goes with reading things people put online with language I don't care for....My mind still converts all the words (which is actually very beneficial!) :)

Now....if only I could find a way to convert audible words....then I'd be all set! :P

Friday

Robbed of my Freedom...Found Clarity!

I used to use this as a place to vent when something was really bothering me. It felt good to write it out. I enjoy writing, always have, and it was a good hiding place. But it's not a place to hide anymore. I feel like my freedom to express myself was taken away. I miss it. I've barely blogged in the past year and I miss it terribly. But now I am always wondering about what I'm saying, who will read it? will it be used against me? and it is more difficult to just let the words out...

It's no fun to live in the past...but what do you do when you feel bound there by others? Just let it go? Accept it? Move on?

I'm not a bad person. People who know me know that. I like to keep to myself, have my small circle of fantastic friends, my family, my wonderful children. I don't want to be ruled by something I can't control. I think that's my answer.

God knows my sins. He knows my sorrow and regrets. He knows my hurt and my pain. What I really need to do is just give it over to Him and be ME. If I am me, and people don't like me, atleast I am being true to who I am and not fake and unhappy. Or if I AM unhappy, atleast I'm still happy being ME! :)

I refuse to be ruled by the past! I refuse to be bound there, by myself or others. The Lord doesn't want me there, and if I give Him control....then I WON'T be there!

Ok.... Thanks for listening. What do you know!? It's still therapeutic after all!

Monday

Too Much For Words...

Our kids are awesome. Totally awesome. I have missed blogging and telling you all about them and what they are up to. I'm going to try to do that now...

Sometimes Alex "talks" with his mouth shut...so it's more like a big groan.

Maleah asks "Why?" but doesn't know why she's asking it half the time.

Alex is all boy but squeals like a little girl sometimes. It's soooo funny!

Maleah loves to play pretend, with her dollhouses, or even just her hands :)

Alex has had to hold a lovey since he was a month old!

Maleah still doesn't eat much...but I think we're up to about 6 total foods!

****I recorded the above on August 18th and never got to finish my post...How sad :( These two are amazing and I miss blogging but they are so much more fun :) ****

Maleah is talking so big....full sentences and all. She remembers everything...even showed me where she hid when she drew on her pants this morning. :) She knows to hide but doesn't know not to tell ;) That's a good thing :) She's eating better and sleep is on and off good....but she is amazing. We've watched her turn from this baby to this big kid. She doesn't like to play alot with kids her own age....but babies she adores, older kids she tries to be like, and adults she does ok with once the shyness is gone. She's polite most of the time and only throws fits when she's tired or hungry. She has quite the personality. She still asks why and doesn't understand why she's even asking....so when she does that I just ignore her :) She loves to take pictures of everything and does a wonderful job at it too :) She loves to paint and color and draws very good faces for a 2 year old :) She can operate the computer with ease, playing games on NickJr.com, typing messages and sending faces to her daddy on Yahoo Messenger and pulling up and watching her iTunes shows and DVDs. She loves Miss Amy at church and calls it "Miss Amy's House". She has begun praying over her meals, the "God is great" prayer....and is so proud of herself for it. She loves her mommy and daddy. She is a totally mommy's girl at the moment...hardly allowing anyone else to do anything for her...it's all mommy. She adores her baby brother. She takes care of him, being the first to go in his room when he wakes from a nap, turning off his fan and telling him "Hi buddy, Hi, Nice Boy". She asks for her Gramma every day and called her Papa yesterday to tell him "Who-Dey!!!" after the Bengals won :) She is an amazing little girl and I am so blessed that the Lord would allow me to spend even a moment of my day with her.

Alex is so big! You have no idea! He has this mop on top of his head...he's had 3 trims so far and I think we'll have to go full-blown cut. It's so thick it looks like a (phonetically) two-pay :) (have NO idea how to spell that!). It's a beautiful reddish brownish orange and just gorgeous. He's as silly as I've ever seen for a 6 month old. He loves playing "Peeky-boo" with Maleah and cracks up at her. He talks to her all the time. Baby Jacey at our friend's house was crying (2 weeks old) and he was mimicking her because he thought she was talking to him. He loves to squeal and has started to growl too. He's just in the last week or two started to say "Mamamamama" which I am thrilled with :) He eats up to 3 jars per meal on his baby food stage 1's and as soon as these are all eaten, he's ready for stage 2 :) He's been opening his mouth for food since he was about 2 months old so I'm not surprised at his eating :) He's been wearing 6-9 month clothes for about a month...he's SOOO long. Currently over the 95% on height....Bob says wide receiver for the Buckeyes :) He's just begun sitting up, he rolls from one side of the living room to the other with ease...and oh so fast. :) He gets to excited to get a bottle...he'll cry like there's no tomorrow and as soon as that bottle is in sight, his body starts shaking and he exhales these little breaths until he gets it...perfectly calm in half a second. He loves attention and will do whatever he has to do to get it. He loves to turn upside down....which I think he's too young for, but he doesn't care :) There are no boundaries for him :) He gets so excited to see his Papa, flailing and jumping in your arms until he takes him. He cries almost every day when I get home until I pick him up....a mama's boy I guess :) He's such a good boy and just so pleasant to be around :) He's observant always watching everything and wants to be big so bad! I thought having Maleah was a blessing, but you add a second...Alex is so different and so amazing in his own ways. He has made our family complete.

When people ask me about my kids, most of the time I can just smile and say "They are awesome" because my heart explodes with love and pride over them and if I get started talking about them I can hardly stop. They are amazing. God is so good. How someone can look at these miracles and not know that there is a Creator out there....whom we should be bowing down and thanking every day that He would allow us to be in the presence of something so precious.

If you haven't gotten to be around them....you should :) These are two of the most amazing individuals God has ever created :) Golly, we just love love love them :)

(Sorry for the long paragraphs...like I said, once I start, it's hard to stop!)

Just a few....
















Our Little Man Eating Oatmeal!


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My Man's First Haircut...

Well, on July 16, 2009 my little man got his first haircut! It's more of a "trim" but here it is!






He ROCKS! :)

Things to Ponder

Ok...I was talking to Bob Friday...and I wonder...

Why is it "prove" and not "proove"
but it's "groove" and not "grove" ???

My Apologies...

With little time during the day I've been facebooking more than blogging...not that I don't want to blog...there's just not enough time! Hopefully I'll get there soon. :) Sorry! :(