I used to use this as a place to vent when something was really bothering me. It felt good to write it out. I enjoy writing, always have, and it was a good hiding place. But it's not a place to hide anymore. I feel like my freedom to express myself was taken away. I miss it. I've barely blogged in the past year and I miss it terribly. But now I am always wondering about what I'm saying, who will read it? will it be used against me? and it is more difficult to just let the words out...
It's no fun to live in the past...but what do you do when you feel bound there by others? Just let it go? Accept it? Move on?
I'm not a bad person. People who know me know that. I like to keep to myself, have my small circle of fantastic friends, my family, my wonderful children. I don't want to be ruled by something I can't control. I think that's my answer.
God knows my sins. He knows my sorrow and regrets. He knows my hurt and my pain. What I really need to do is just give it over to Him and be ME. If I am me, and people don't like me, atleast I am being true to who I am and not fake and unhappy. Or if I AM unhappy, atleast I'm still happy being ME! :)
I refuse to be ruled by the past! I refuse to be bound there, by myself or others. The Lord doesn't want me there, and if I give Him control....then I WON'T be there!
Ok.... Thanks for listening. What do you know!? It's still therapeutic after all!
