I used to use this as a place to vent when something was really bothering me. It felt good to write it out. I enjoy writing, always have, and it was a good hiding place. But it's not a place to hide anymore. I feel like my freedom to express myself was taken away. I miss it. I've barely blogged in the past year and I miss it terribly. But now I am always wondering about what I'm saying, who will read it? will it be used against me? and it is more difficult to just let the words out...
It's no fun to live in the past...but what do you do when you feel bound there by others? Just let it go? Accept it? Move on?
I'm not a bad person. People who know me know that. I like to keep to myself, have my small circle of fantastic friends, my family, my wonderful children. I don't want to be ruled by something I can't control. I think that's my answer.
God knows my sins. He knows my sorrow and regrets. He knows my hurt and my pain. What I really need to do is just give it over to Him and be ME. If I am me, and people don't like me, atleast I am being true to who I am and not fake and unhappy. Or if I AM unhappy, atleast I'm still happy being ME! :)
I refuse to be ruled by the past! I refuse to be bound there, by myself or others. The Lord doesn't want me there, and if I give Him control....then I WON'T be there!
Ok.... Thanks for listening. What do you know!? It's still therapeutic after all!
Friday
Monday
Too Much For Words...
Our kids are awesome. Totally awesome. I have missed blogging and telling you all about them and what they are up to. I'm going to try to do that now...
Sometimes Alex "talks" with his mouth shut...so it's more like a big groan.
Maleah asks "Why?" but doesn't know why she's asking it half the time.
Alex is all boy but squeals like a little girl sometimes. It's soooo funny!
Maleah loves to play pretend, with her dollhouses, or even just her hands :)
Alex has had to hold a lovey since he was a month old!
Maleah still doesn't eat much...but I think we're up to about 6 total foods!
****I recorded the above on August 18th and never got to finish my post...How sad :( These two are amazing and I miss blogging but they are so much more fun :) ****
Maleah is talking so big....full sentences and all. She remembers everything...even showed me where she hid when she drew on her pants this morning. :) She knows to hide but doesn't know not to tell ;) That's a good thing :) She's eating better and sleep is on and off good....but she is amazing. We've watched her turn from this baby to this big kid. She doesn't like to play alot with kids her own age....but babies she adores, older kids she tries to be like, and adults she does ok with once the shyness is gone. She's polite most of the time and only throws fits when she's tired or hungry. She has quite the personality. She still asks why and doesn't understand why she's even asking....so when she does that I just ignore her :) She loves to take pictures of everything and does a wonderful job at it too :) She loves to paint and color and draws very good faces for a 2 year old :) She can operate the computer with ease, playing games on NickJr.com, typing messages and sending faces to her daddy on Yahoo Messenger and pulling up and watching her iTunes shows and DVDs. She loves Miss Amy at church and calls it "Miss Amy's House". She has begun praying over her meals, the "God is great" prayer....and is so proud of herself for it. She loves her mommy and daddy. She is a totally mommy's girl at the moment...hardly allowing anyone else to do anything for her...it's all mommy. She adores her baby brother. She takes care of him, being the first to go in his room when he wakes from a nap, turning off his fan and telling him "Hi buddy, Hi, Nice Boy". She asks for her Gramma every day and called her Papa yesterday to tell him "Who-Dey!!!" after the Bengals won :) She is an amazing little girl and I am so blessed that the Lord would allow me to spend even a moment of my day with her.
Alex is so big! You have no idea! He has this mop on top of his head...he's had 3 trims so far and I think we'll have to go full-blown cut. It's so thick it looks like a (phonetically) two-pay :) (have NO idea how to spell that!). It's a beautiful reddish brownish orange and just gorgeous. He's as silly as I've ever seen for a 6 month old. He loves playing "Peeky-boo" with Maleah and cracks up at her. He talks to her all the time. Baby Jacey at our friend's house was crying (2 weeks old) and he was mimicking her because he thought she was talking to him. He loves to squeal and has started to growl too. He's just in the last week or two started to say "Mamamamama" which I am thrilled with :) He eats up to 3 jars per meal on his baby food stage 1's and as soon as these are all eaten, he's ready for stage 2 :) He's been opening his mouth for food since he was about 2 months old so I'm not surprised at his eating :) He's been wearing 6-9 month clothes for about a month...he's SOOO long. Currently over the 95% on height....Bob says wide receiver for the Buckeyes :) He's just begun sitting up, he rolls from one side of the living room to the other with ease...and oh so fast. :) He gets to excited to get a bottle...he'll cry like there's no tomorrow and as soon as that bottle is in sight, his body starts shaking and he exhales these little breaths until he gets it...perfectly calm in half a second. He loves attention and will do whatever he has to do to get it. He loves to turn upside down....which I think he's too young for, but he doesn't care :) There are no boundaries for him :) He gets so excited to see his Papa, flailing and jumping in your arms until he takes him. He cries almost every day when I get home until I pick him up....a mama's boy I guess :) He's such a good boy and just so pleasant to be around :) He's observant always watching everything and wants to be big so bad! I thought having Maleah was a blessing, but you add a second...Alex is so different and so amazing in his own ways. He has made our family complete.
When people ask me about my kids, most of the time I can just smile and say "They are awesome" because my heart explodes with love and pride over them and if I get started talking about them I can hardly stop. They are amazing. God is so good. How someone can look at these miracles and not know that there is a Creator out there....whom we should be bowing down and thanking every day that He would allow us to be in the presence of something so precious.
If you haven't gotten to be around them....you should :) These are two of the most amazing individuals God has ever created :) Golly, we just love love love them :)
(Sorry for the long paragraphs...like I said, once I start, it's hard to stop!)
Sometimes Alex "talks" with his mouth shut...so it's more like a big groan.
Maleah asks "Why?" but doesn't know why she's asking it half the time.
Alex is all boy but squeals like a little girl sometimes. It's soooo funny!
Maleah loves to play pretend, with her dollhouses, or even just her hands :)
Alex has had to hold a lovey since he was a month old!
Maleah still doesn't eat much...but I think we're up to about 6 total foods!
****I recorded the above on August 18th and never got to finish my post...How sad :( These two are amazing and I miss blogging but they are so much more fun :) ****
Maleah is talking so big....full sentences and all. She remembers everything...even showed me where she hid when she drew on her pants this morning. :) She knows to hide but doesn't know not to tell ;) That's a good thing :) She's eating better and sleep is on and off good....but she is amazing. We've watched her turn from this baby to this big kid. She doesn't like to play alot with kids her own age....but babies she adores, older kids she tries to be like, and adults she does ok with once the shyness is gone. She's polite most of the time and only throws fits when she's tired or hungry. She has quite the personality. She still asks why and doesn't understand why she's even asking....so when she does that I just ignore her :) She loves to take pictures of everything and does a wonderful job at it too :) She loves to paint and color and draws very good faces for a 2 year old :) She can operate the computer with ease, playing games on NickJr.com, typing messages and sending faces to her daddy on Yahoo Messenger and pulling up and watching her iTunes shows and DVDs. She loves Miss Amy at church and calls it "Miss Amy's House". She has begun praying over her meals, the "God is great" prayer....and is so proud of herself for it. She loves her mommy and daddy. She is a totally mommy's girl at the moment...hardly allowing anyone else to do anything for her...it's all mommy. She adores her baby brother. She takes care of him, being the first to go in his room when he wakes from a nap, turning off his fan and telling him "Hi buddy, Hi, Nice Boy". She asks for her Gramma every day and called her Papa yesterday to tell him "Who-Dey!!!" after the Bengals won :) She is an amazing little girl and I am so blessed that the Lord would allow me to spend even a moment of my day with her.
Alex is so big! You have no idea! He has this mop on top of his head...he's had 3 trims so far and I think we'll have to go full-blown cut. It's so thick it looks like a (phonetically) two-pay :) (have NO idea how to spell that!). It's a beautiful reddish brownish orange and just gorgeous. He's as silly as I've ever seen for a 6 month old. He loves playing "Peeky-boo" with Maleah and cracks up at her. He talks to her all the time. Baby Jacey at our friend's house was crying (2 weeks old) and he was mimicking her because he thought she was talking to him. He loves to squeal and has started to growl too. He's just in the last week or two started to say "Mamamamama" which I am thrilled with :) He eats up to 3 jars per meal on his baby food stage 1's and as soon as these are all eaten, he's ready for stage 2 :) He's been opening his mouth for food since he was about 2 months old so I'm not surprised at his eating :) He's been wearing 6-9 month clothes for about a month...he's SOOO long. Currently over the 95% on height....Bob says wide receiver for the Buckeyes :) He's just begun sitting up, he rolls from one side of the living room to the other with ease...and oh so fast. :) He gets to excited to get a bottle...he'll cry like there's no tomorrow and as soon as that bottle is in sight, his body starts shaking and he exhales these little breaths until he gets it...perfectly calm in half a second. He loves attention and will do whatever he has to do to get it. He loves to turn upside down....which I think he's too young for, but he doesn't care :) There are no boundaries for him :) He gets so excited to see his Papa, flailing and jumping in your arms until he takes him. He cries almost every day when I get home until I pick him up....a mama's boy I guess :) He's such a good boy and just so pleasant to be around :) He's observant always watching everything and wants to be big so bad! I thought having Maleah was a blessing, but you add a second...Alex is so different and so amazing in his own ways. He has made our family complete.
When people ask me about my kids, most of the time I can just smile and say "They are awesome" because my heart explodes with love and pride over them and if I get started talking about them I can hardly stop. They are amazing. God is so good. How someone can look at these miracles and not know that there is a Creator out there....whom we should be bowing down and thanking every day that He would allow us to be in the presence of something so precious.
If you haven't gotten to be around them....you should :) These are two of the most amazing individuals God has ever created :) Golly, we just love love love them :)
(Sorry for the long paragraphs...like I said, once I start, it's hard to stop!)
My Man's First Haircut...
Well, on July 16, 2009 my little man got his first haircut! It's more of a "trim" but here it is!
He ROCKS! :)
He ROCKS! :)
Things to Ponder
Ok...I was talking to Bob Friday...and I wonder...
Why is it "prove" and not "proove"
but it's "groove" and not "grove" ???
Why is it "prove" and not "proove"
but it's "groove" and not "grove" ???
My Apologies...
With little time during the day I've been facebooking more than blogging...not that I don't want to blog...there's just not enough time! Hopefully I'll get there soon. :) Sorry! :(
Wednesday
My Man...
My little man was a big man last night...he slept unswaddled for the first time and didn't wake up any more than usual :) He did fantastic! Loves to lay on his side with his bug (pacifier) and lovey (burp cloth). He did just wonderfully! He gets his first haircut (trim) this evening...hair's down below his eyes already! He's just so awesome!!!
Tuesday
Updates....
Well, I started back to work...then my back got worse...and I was off Thurs. last week (closed Friday). I'm back this week and nice and busy, which makes those 4 hours go fast. I miss my babies...and love coming home to Maleah's loving hugs and excited "Mommy's home!" Alex sees me and grins and gets so excited, and he talks so big now! I can't wait to show more pictures...there's one my dad took that is SOOOO Alex!!!
I am so thankful to be home with the kids. I couldn't ask for anything more. Alex is snoozing and Maleah's getting her babies ready for us to give them bubble baths :) We are gonna have a great time! It'll be fun to get her outside when Alex wakes up too! :)
I am so incredibly blessed. God is so good. That's such an inadequate statement to describe how thankful I am. But the extent of my thankfulness bursts from my heart, and I know He knows!
It was awesome seeing all of my family last week. Maleah likes to lay on our table and point out who everyone is in the picture. She hasn't forgotten hardly anyone. Even the two Cole's don't confuse her :)
It's a beautiful day today! I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am :)
Remember....SMILE! :) If you don't feel like it, do it anyway! And if you keep doing it, eventually you won't even realize you are! :)
I am so thankful to be home with the kids. I couldn't ask for anything more. Alex is snoozing and Maleah's getting her babies ready for us to give them bubble baths :) We are gonna have a great time! It'll be fun to get her outside when Alex wakes up too! :)
I am so incredibly blessed. God is so good. That's such an inadequate statement to describe how thankful I am. But the extent of my thankfulness bursts from my heart, and I know He knows!
It was awesome seeing all of my family last week. Maleah likes to lay on our table and point out who everyone is in the picture. She hasn't forgotten hardly anyone. Even the two Cole's don't confuse her :)
It's a beautiful day today! I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am :)
Remember....SMILE! :) If you don't feel like it, do it anyway! And if you keep doing it, eventually you won't even realize you are! :)
Monday
Back to Work...
Well, it's off to work today (shortened hours yes, but still leaving my babies). :(
I tell ya what though...it's like Alex knows! First, he slept ALL night...didn't wake up until about 6:15! That's the longest he's ever slept! Second, he didn't just fall back to sleep after his bottle! He stayed up and played and laughed with me :)He wanted alone time with Mommy! :) I'm going to miss him so much! :( Maleah too!
Please pray for me if you can....just that I'll be able to focus there while missing them like CRAZY!!!!
I tell ya what though...it's like Alex knows! First, he slept ALL night...didn't wake up until about 6:15! That's the longest he's ever slept! Second, he didn't just fall back to sleep after his bottle! He stayed up and played and laughed with me :)He wanted alone time with Mommy! :) I'm going to miss him so much! :( Maleah too!
Please pray for me if you can....just that I'll be able to focus there while missing them like CRAZY!!!!
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