Three years ago today we made the dreaded trip up to Riverside Hospital so I could deliver Emily. It was a DREADED trip. I knew it had to be done, but hated that I had to do it. My mom and Bob took me up. It was a quiet ride. I won't mention alot about that day. It was long. Painful...both emotionally and physically. Silly me, in all of my optimism, had to have the nurses do one more ultrasound....just to make sure that they were right...that my baby was really gone...There was that part of me that just thought they'll do that ultrasound and she'll be fine and I'll be able to go home...No mother should ever have to go through that. Going through labor pain after labor pain knowing that there's no joy once it stops.
I'm thankful that Bob was by my side. I'm thankful that my mom was by my side. That my dad came when he got off work and stayed all evening. That Nicole and K.J. came up to see us with the kids. That Bob's parents came and stayed until Emily was delivered. You never know how you're going to react to a situation until it happens. I needed the distractions. I needed PEOPLE. And they were there for me. Seeing everyone there made an unbearable day more bearable (if that makes any sense).
One of the things that stands out the most about that day is Pam. Pam was one of my many wonderful nurses. I had been put on painkillers...and was a little fuzzy. I remember her big, beautiful smile as I introduced her to Bob. Turns out it was the THIRD time I had done that. That's something I can remember about that day that doesn't hurt so badly. But for the most part, I try not to think about that day. The hurt, the pain, the remembering....it's too much.
This experience in my life showed me just how powerful God is. He got me through it. He gave me the strength to wait as long as I had to to deliver her. He gave me the strength to suffer through that day. He gave me the strength to deliver her. I could never have done it without Him carrying me...and that He placed two loving people on my right and on my left to never leave my side...
Thank you, Lord, for getting me through that day and the painful days to come. I never could have done it on my own. I know You carried me. I never could have walked that path. Thank you, Lord. I love You.
4 comments:
I continue to be amazed at your strength through it all. It was a horrible time... but God got us through it. By ourselves we would have never made it through like we did.
I will never forget that horrible day when you came to tell me the news. I was 7 months pregnant with Kaitlyn and we had been so excited that our babies were going to grow up together, they would have shared their first day of kindergarten, their first prom, their high school graduation. No one will ever know how hard it was to be pregnant after Emily was taken from our lives. Everytime Kaitlyn moved inside of me, It would break my heart. Knowing that you were not feeling that anymore, knowing that the precious life you were carrying inside of you was no longer. I know that God has a reason for everything he does, but it is so hard to understand why sometimes. Knowing that God is there through the hard times is sometimes all you need! When we lost our baby in October, knowing that God let me know that everything was going to be ok is how I am getting through it!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. May God be with you through these tough few days!!
I Love You!
Stacy
I love you! You and Bob have went through something totally unimaginable- I know it doesnt make sense to any of us; its beyond human comprehension...but one day, when you see Emily's smiling face it will all become clear ...until then let your unfailing faith guide you.
I'm sure Emily is watching over Maleah and watching over her mommy (especially while she's carrying her baby brother Alex).
You're a wonderful mom Miranda (and Bob is a great dad too).. I pray that God gives you all the strength and love imaginable.
I love you Miranda. That is all I have to say.
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