The LoveSeat!

Please, please, please would someone please buy our loveseat??? It's REALLY awesome and totally comfortable, in as good of shape as when we bought it, but we don't have room for it anymore! Here's a pic:



We paid between $450 and $500 are selling it for $250. Please buy it! :)

Confession #42

I don't like it when Bob's away from me. Seriously. I hate it. If he has plans, I don't want him to go. I don't want him to go do anything. I don't like it if he has to make a quick trip to the store, or the gas station, or even to pick up food for dinner. I don't like it when he has to mow the lawn. I don't like it if he has to run over to his mom and dad's. I don't like it if he has to make a trip somewhere else in the house. I don't like it when he has to do stuff on the computer (like church website stuff, Maleah picture stuff, etc...). I want to hog him. All the time. I like to have him with me whatever we're doing, and hate when he has to leave me. I got like this when we lost Emily...and then it got worse when we found out we were pregnant with Maleah. I truly figured it would dissipate once we had her, but it's not gone away. Not even a little bit. I suppose it's a good problem to have...loving someone so much you always want them around (even when they tell silly jokes all the time!). :)

I guess I love him a little bit ;)

Confession #41

Sleeping. Everyone has their own little bedtime routine. Mine, like everything else in my life, is a little crazy.

When I was little, I HAD to "blow out the light". After my parents told me goodnight, I would always blow as they turned the light out.

I also had to sleep with my special panda bear. One night, I was getting ready to sleep, and my panda bear's back was ripped open. I was so upset. I cried. I couldn't sleep without him. So my wonderful mom got out her sewing kit and sewed him back together for me, just so I could sleep. I still have to sleep with something in my arms. It's now a travel-size pillow...but sometimes I wake up thinking it is Maleah...a little creepy when you are groggy.

I have always had to sleep with a fan. It drowns out house noises. I still do. Or I did before we had Maleah. Now I have the noise of the baby monitor to drone me to sleep.

Up until the last year, I could NOT sleep if Bob did not say, in this exact order, "Good night" "Sweet Dreams" "I Love You" "Goodnight". He started it. That was the only way I knew he was going to fall asleep. So he had to do the routine so I would know, ok he's sleeping now. Now I'm a little more flexible. :)

There will come a day...

I was laying in bed last night, thinking. I was staring out at the tree tops. There will come a day when I won't be here to see the tree tops and the night sky. To feel the wind across my face. To feel the warmth of sunshine on my skin, or snuggle up in a soft, warm, cozy blanket. It's never really bothered me before. So what if I was not going to forever be on this horrible planet filled with sin and destruction. What comes after is so much better! Then suddenly it hit me...there will come a day when I won't be able to hold my precious baby anymore. To see her smiling face. Hear her giggle and laugh. There will come a day when "forever" with Bob will end. There will come a day where all of those that I know and love with be no more...

I don't mean to sound so....down....or so dependent on this earth for my happiness. I am just constantly being reminded of how short life is. It is short, isn't it? Think about how we spend our days...There are so many things now that looking back Bob and I wish we would have done. Have we lost our chance? No. But we have lost time. Time that we could have spent doing other things. Not that we didn't enjoy that time together...but it could have been better spent as well.

Too many times we live life trying to make ourselves happy. And for what? What is it that matters? A lifetime sounds like a long time, but it's not. I am just one more person living on this earth. One of billions. What makes me so important from anyone else? Nothing. Do I stand out? No. Will I have a huge memorial when I pass away? No. Will I make it into the history books? Nope. No matter how important you think you are...you are as disposable as the next person. So what are you going to do with your life? Spend it making yourself happy? Look around. Take a nice long hard look around. What have you missed out on? What could you be doing at this very moment? We should never delay, because our time will come like a thief in the night, just as Christ will come. On that day we'll have no more chances to right our wrongs.

I praise God that my life is spent for Him. I'm not always as faithful in my Bible study as a should be, but He has given me a core desire to know Him as deeply as I can. I miss Him when I am not in His word. I miss Him when I forget to stop and pray. I don't want to desire this world when my time comes. I want to leave this world with a smile on my face, knowing Eternity is ahead of me.

He is my desire. My life is His. Maleah is His. I am His. Are you?

Confession #40

I thought of a specific peeing incident...since my last few posts have all involved peeing! :)

It happened when I was still in elementary school.

I was ready for bed and went to do my standard "second pee". Then I went back to bed ready to sleep. But then I felt the urge to go again. Then again. Then again...This went on for close to two hours. Finally, I was afraid something was wrong with me. I was afraid I would get in trouble for being up so late. So I got down on my knees, crawled down the hallway and behind the chair in the living room, not knowing quite how to tell my mom. She finally saw me, and I cried (I always seem to do that!) telling her what was wrong.

I always wondered just how hard she had to stifle her laugh...hearing me saying "Mommy, I can't stop peeing..."

Confession #39

Speaking of peeing...here's something else...

Every night, I go to the bathroom after I brush my teeth, right before we go to bed. Then Bob will go in and brush his teeth and go to the bathroom...and I CANNOT sleep until I go back to the bathroom one more time. I don't know what it is. It's been that way since I was a little girl. Always have to do double trips before bed. Weird.

Boy, I hope you all still like me....

Maybe I should stop now...no, maybe I should have stopped 38 confessions ago! Too late now...might as well keep going!

Confession #38

Ok...speaking of peeing...that brings up ANOTHER confession! I was in third grade. We came home from somewhere...shopping, I think...and I had to pee soooo bad! Stacy headed straight for the bathroom, leaving me with a full bladder to try to manage. If I were Bobby, I could go outside and relieve myself...but NOOOO, I HAD to be a girl! So I waited...and waited...and waited...It seemed like FOREVER. It got harder and harder to hold it. I went into our room, squatted on the floor, trying anything to relieve the pressure. No worries. The pressure then began to relieve itself. Next thing I know, I'm peeing on the floor! It wasn't intentional. It just happened. I couldn't hold it anymore. I didn't want to tell anyone. I tried to pretend it didn't happen. Poor Stacy's feet found it, I think. She had to help me clean it up, since she took so long in the bathroom. :) Made me feel better!

So here's a tip, if you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY have to pee...DON'T SQUAT!

Confession #37

Speaking of the basement...that brings up a couple more confessions! We used to keep a ziploc bag of various foods under the couch in the family room. Cereal...snack cakes...things we normally weren't allowed to have for snack. (Bobby always got the snack cakes! I've never been able to let that go!) Anyway, when we stayed the night down there we would stay up late and eat food we weren't supposed to have! :) It was fun!

More humiliating confession to come....Brace yourself...

I was a big scaredy-cat (still am). Afraid of everything. I was afraid to cross the hall from my room to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Big scaredy-cat. Well, what does a girl do when she's so afraid of dark places and is spending the night in the basement and finds out she has to pee? She asks someone to go upstairs with her. But NOOOO, they don't WANT to go upstairs...and it's the middle of the night...and everyone else is in bed...so what do you do in THAT situation? I'll tell you what you do. (Keep in mind please that this was between 4th-6th grades...though still too old.)...What do you do? You go into the laundry room, find a bucket, and let it flow. That's right. I was too scared to go upstairs. I used the bucket. I must go bury my head now...never to show my face again. I did remember to wash it out though. :) There was a sink downstairs and everything. Does that make it any better? Somehow I don't think so....

Confession #36

When I was in middle school, Treiva used to stay the night at the house alot, and we would go into the basement to the family room and hang out. Sometimes we slept down there too. One night we were down there, me, Treiva and Stacy. Just hanging out. We heard this scratching noise. Weird. Heard it again. Double weird. Heard it more. Got spooked. Heard it some more. Huddled on the couch. I started thinking...We've got to get out of here! Dad's upstairs, he should come check on us! But he didn't....Then we heard it again. Ok, it wasn't funny anymore. Terror sunk in. My mind was going crazy. I had read Stephen King...I knew how we were going to end up! We decided to try to sneak upstairs so that whatever was down there couldn't get us. I started to walk out of the family room, and this creature crawls out from underneath the pool table. I screamed. I mean...SCREAMED. I stabbed myself in the hand with a pencil (totally on accident). I cried. I ran upstairs...well, bolted would probably be the more descriptive term. The "creature" was Bobby. I was MAD. It scared me sooo bad! Dad knew about it too. Again...I was mad. Silly Bobby scared me half to death!

Ma-Ma-Ma

Just wanted to let everyone know that Maleah is starting to say ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. Just when I thought she couldn't be any more awesome! :) She's so big now. If you haven't seen her yet, I cannot wait for you to get to! She's amazing! :) What did I ever do with my time before????

I was just going to post a picture...but I couldn't choose! Here are a few! :) Man, she's fantastic!

One of the pictures is what we call the "baby straight jacket". Guess which one! ;)

Confession #35

A few years ago I was at work, standing at my desk, talking to my office manager. That wouldn't happen now, but a couple years ago it was a normal routine. Well, I'm standing there, on my side of the counter, talking to her, standing on the other side of the counter. If you know me, you know I am a very fidgity (that spelled right?) person. I am constantly using my hands. Well, I'm talking to her and being fidgity with my hands...and I hear a "click". I stop talking. I look down at my hand. I lift my hand up towards my office manager. I show her my finger. I'm stunned. Shocked. Speachless (shocking, I know). Amazed that I could be SOOO stupid! What did I do, you ask. What did I do??? I stapled my finger. Apparently I AM dumber than I look! :)

Confession #34

In the evenings, after Maleah goes to bed, many times Bob and I will go into the front room (where the air conditioning isn't so loud). Bob will get on the computer, normally working on the church website, and I will read. I have been reading a book by Max Lucado, and it has a study guide for each chapter. Last week, I was sitting at the table doing the study guide, Bob was on the computer, and I felt really tired. So I laid my head down on the table and apparently fell asleep. Normally I am a very dry sleeper. However, when I woke up a good half hour later, my cheek was wet, my hand was wet, and the table was wet. I drooled all over myself! Ew! I don't ever do that. It was gross.

Confession #33

The Bathtub...

If you read my posts...you will remember how I hate bathtubs. I wear flip-flops in the shower, and I get all creaped out if I actually TOUCH the porcelain. EW! I cannot STAND touching porcelain. Well.....here's a big confession....it's huge....you may want to prepare yourself for the enormity of it......seriously.....you'll be shocked!

Last Friday I cleaned the bathtub. Oh, don't worry, that's only a small percentage of the shock. The REAL shock is that it was the first time it had been cleaned since before Maleah was born!

I know. Gross. Disgusting. I HATE the bathtub. So I put this ALL on Bob. HE was supposed to clean it. It always ended up at the bottom of our list of things to do. Probably because it's the most hidden. So, last Friday morning, I put Maleah in her exersaucer out of the range of smell of all the horrible chemicals, and I cleaned. And I scrubbed. And scrubbed. I'm going to invent "elbow grease" one day. You just wait and see! I had to clean it twice actually. Not to say it didn't totally gross me out, but which is worse? Being grossed out by the porcelain? Or the mildew? Praise God for Tilex Mildew Remover and Soft Scrub with Bleach!

So, now you know ALL of my horrible secrets. Well...unless I think of more. :) This is by far the worst about me yet!

Want to come visit??? ;)

Confession #32

Swearing. It's one of those things. You don't want to do it...but sometimes...

1. When I was little we lived on Knowles Avenue. The front door would stick. My dad was getting read to take me to the dentist (I think), and I was about 5 years old. I was trying to open the front door. It stuck and before I could stop it I said "Would someone open this (Bleep) door!?" Everyone looked at me. I started crying. I knew it was NOT something for a kid to say. Everyone laughed. I cried more. It was not a good day!

2. Stacy, Nicole and I used to think we were SOOOOOO cool! We knew it was wrong to swear (apparently that was imbedded in us). We used to take walks up the sidewalk and each of us would say a half of a swear word. Someone else would say the other half and we would just GIGGLE, thinking we were being SOOO slick!

3. Since it was imbedded in me that swearing was NOT for kids...I ran into a problem when I started reading Stephen King's books. He swears in his books ALOT. But to me, what you are reading you are saying in your mind. So to read the swear words was just as bad as saying them. Keep in mind I started reading Stephen King around 13 years old! So I came up with this awesome system that worked for me. Every word I read that was bad was converted to something else, until it became second nature for me to see the "bad" word and automatically "read" my substitute word. It worked too. Still does. I may read my Bible and it says "hell" and I think "heck" then have to remind myself it's a different context! Of course, now I see it as the substitute words are just as bad, because it's really the intent of those words that's not good. I try really hard not to use them at all!

Made for Worship

"Our own little corner of the world"....That's a phrase I heard just the other day. Watching Gilmore Girls actually. I think about that often. We get so caught up in our own lives, our own dramas, that we neglect to see the big picture. There are 25,000+ people living in just our surrounding area. There are like 6 million that live in New York City alone...not to even mention the billions of people all around the world. We live our lives focusing on our own little corner. Of what's going on around US. We're selfish people by nature. But at the end of the day, why are we here? Am I here to work 8 hours a day? Am I hear to pay my bills? To live in the coziness of my home where I don't have to see anyone? NO!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT! To think that we're here for ourselves is selfish.

So why are we here? To reach people. Pastor is so excited to "reach Ross County for Christ". I want to hop on that train. If at the end of my life, I see that I have worked, and enjoyed my home, and never reached out to anyone...I will be disappointed. I will be so disappointed in myself because I am not wanting to just be saved...I am wanting to LIVE FOR CHRIST!!!!! :) I want to reach Ross Co. for Christ. I want to attend every service. I want to study my Bible like it's the TV! I want to pray and talk to my God because He is amazing! He is God! He's awesome! I was made for worship. Worship of my Lord and Savior. My God. HE is to be MY EVERYTHING! And YOU were made for worship too.

We're all here for Him. If you haven't found Him, keep searching. Search to the depths of your heart...He's there. Look around you...see everything you have on this earth...Is it really enough???

Our New Church

We had our first service in our new church yesterday. The building itself is beautiful. I personally enjoyed the bathrooms with 4 - 5 times the number of stalls as well as the wider hallways, which made it much easier to get around. It's the little things in life...What I enjoyed most was Worship and Sunday School. I enjoyed them as much as any other Sunday. I think that made me the happiest of all. The building was needed. How else can we grow? But it's great that the building wasn't the FOCUS. God's Word was the focus. God was the focus. Christ was the focus. Worship. Communication. Understanding. Relating to one another. Talking about issues. Our likes. Our dislikes. These are things we can do anywhere...and for that I am thankful. I praise the Lord that this building will not be our focus. It's a place to worship, to meet, to learn God's Word...so we can go out and share it with others. That is the point of it, after all!

I miss her!!!

Today starts my 9 hour days....so I will be seeing Maleah one whole hour later than usual. I miss her so much. It was SO hard leaving her this morning. These past few weeks I've had mostly 3 day weekends...and this was my last 2 day weekend for awhile. It didn't feel like I got enough time with her. It hurts to leave her. I don't like leaving her with anyone. Maybe that's bad of me. We've had offers of babysitters so we can go out. We both love spending so much time with each other and with her as a family that I don't want to leave her! I just have to remember that this week I am working late to spend every Friday with her! Yay! :)

Confession #31

Columbus Day and Vanilla Coke Zero....

The celebration of Columbus Day has irked me for a long time. It truly grates my nerves. I know and fully understand that I would not be in this country were in not for Chris Columbus...But that doesn't change my view. Why do we say he "discovered" America??? He found something THEY didn't know about....However, the fact that it was already inhabited tells me that it had already been "discovered". He found it. Good for him. It was a place for them to explore, and conquer. However, he didn't DISCOVER it. If he did, then it makes us a people who "discover" stuff all of the time.

Take this for example...Bob, Maleah and I were at Walmart last weekend. Bob comes back to the cart with Vanilla Coke Zero...something neither of us knew they made. So you know what? He DISCOVERED it! It was there, yes. Maybe others even knew about it. But HE didn't know about it! Therefore, when he found it, he DISCOVERED it! Maybe we should declare a day for him!

Join me next May 26 in celebrating Bob Speakman Day! :)

*This post is the opinion of the poster and was not intended to offend anyone who thoroughly loves to celebrate Columbus Day.

But COME ON! :)