I was never good at flirting...So it's a good thing that I found Bob when I did. It's honestly a wonder he stuck with me. My flirting capabilities were ZERO. I was like Ross on "Friends"...
Caitlin: Pizza delivery!
Ross: I'll get it! I will get that! (Runs over and opens the door.)
Caitlin: Hi!
Ross: Hi!
Caitlin: One uh, vegetarian pizza. That's $12.15.
Ross: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Caitlin: What?!
Ross: (I can't make it out.) The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Caitlin: Oh. Thanks.
Ross: You understand I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Chandler: Here you go. (Hands her the money.) Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
....and later it continues....
Caitlin: (from outside) Pizza!
Ross: (running to the door) Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! (to everyone) Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.
Chandler: Okay, hold on. (Pauses as he readies himself.) Okay. (Walks away.)
Rachel: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to… (Ross interrupts and shushes her.)
Ross: You'll see. Okay. (Readies himself.) Oh, what's-what's her name?
All: Caitlin!
Grandma Tribbiani: Caitlin!
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Caitlin: It's uh, $12.50.
Ross: Okay, (gets the money) so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Caitlin: No actually umm, I think that they're umm, gas.
Ross: Gas? Wow! Intense.
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Ross: (to Caitlin) Hey uh, y'know that smell gas has?
Caitlin: (wanting more than anything to get the money and leave this horrible, horrible place) Yeah.
Ross: They put that in.
Caitlin: What?!
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Caitlin: (getting more desperate to leave) Well okay!
Ross: A lot of other gas smells…
Chandler: Oh the humanity.
Ross: Meth-methane smells…
Caitlin: Y'know what umm, actually I, I really, I should go.
Ross: Oh but I-I-I haven't paid you yet!
Caitlin: Y'know what? That's okay, you guys have ordered so many that this one is on me! (Runs for her life.)
(Ross closes the door slowly.)
Ok...so now that you get the picture of how bad I really was at it, I will demonstrate. In 7th grade I liked this boy, Phil. We were in the same home-ec class. I wanted to talk to him but didn't know what to say...so I thought and thought and thought of a lead-in to a conversation. I thought...I'm skinny...he's skinny...he has really small wrists like I do. SO the light bulb goes off in my head...people are always putting their fingers around my wrist...I'll do that to him! So one day, nervous as could be, I got up the courage to go to him, I grabbed his wrist and made a comment about how small it was. That was as far as the conversation went. I wasn't made fun of or anything (thank goodness) I just got a puzzled look, a "yeah" and that was the end of that.
Bob, thank you for making it easy on me! :)
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